Hey everyone! My birthday would be coming soon in a few days time. Let me count, it's just one..two..three days away! It will be this tuesday, the 29th of july. And on that faithful day i will be turning one year older and one year wiser hopefully! No birthday celebrations this year even though its my 16th birthday coz my o's are approaching. -.-


Hope i will receive presents and birthday wishes and i hope all my dreams would come true! Come to think of it, i wonder if some people in particular will remember my birthday.. Haiz I think i've gotten about 75% of the picture now. I'm still kinda confused once in a while and dunno what's up with myself or with you. I dont think the problem lie with you. It's with me i guess. I'm not gonna say sorry or apologize here because i know you hate it. I dont feel good about that too. I guess you're still the same as before, going around and making new friends and making people laugh. It's your joyful and hyper attitude that i'm attracted too. Believe it or not, you've gave me much happiness in life and i've come to realise that i was a lousy son in the past and a lousy friend to many. Thanks for the memories you gave me. Although i hope that we are able to go back to the way we were in the past, i think it's kinda difficult. I still haven't given up on you yet and will not do so anytime soon. Although i've met many other friends after you, none of them can be compared to you and spread their joy as much as you can with your friends. You are an indispensable friend to me.


I dont want to be a loser who keeps invading your life, but i just want to let you know that deep down inside i still care for you and is concerned about you. I want you to know that i still haven't forgotten you as a friend once in a while and i hope you haven't forgotten me yet. Although we have not talked for a long long time, i'm sure the friendship can still be patched back if both you and i work on it. I dont wanna impose on you and i've tried various means to salvage the friendship. I think i shall leave it to you to decide what this friendship means to you. If you think it's nothing and its just a waste of your time, then tell me. But mind you, you're still that special friend in my heart and is someone who is indispensable. Am i dumb, stupid or what? It took me one year and two months before i finally found out something. Although everyone else seems to see what i cant see, i still dont actually really believe that it is true.

Is it possible that 'she' would like me? That thought never came across my mind and i totally ruled out that possiblity. I thought what she did was just because we were friends but i guess i was wrong. Maybe the reason why she ignored me was because she knew very clearly that i only regarded her as my best friend. Maybe she knew that there was no use sticking to me because she would not get anything out of me. Was that the reson why she avoided me for so long? Was it because you felt hurt everytime you see me and would rather cut off all connections with me?


I just realised everything yesterday when someone asked me. There were the 'signs' but maybe i was stupid enough to think that they were so insignificant. Am i a little too late to have only found this out now? It is a long a sleepy saturday afternoon for me. Just finished english prelim oral in the morning.. Gosh i gotta wake up so freaking early like anyother school day! Woke up at 6.30 and had to get ready for school.. Oral started at about 7.45am and it dragged all the way till slightly pass 9.30.. I was the second last candidate so i had a long long wait. Then i had a game of basketball before heading home and going for tuition after that. And here i am using the compt! Still feeling kinda tired from yesterday i guess..


Anyway, i forgot to update you guys abuot what happened yesterday. it was a long day for me yesterday. Went to school as per normal at 7am yesterday. Finished school at around 12.40am then i had english oral training and then chemistry remedial until about 1pm. I was either supposed to go to East coast park to help out in a bbq or go to ngee ann poly to meet up with my friend before going to east coast park. I was kinda indecisive and dragged all the way till about 3 or 4 plus before deciding on making my way to ngee ann. Another reason was because i was waiting for my friend to finish up his work before he can go with me =.=" I wanted accompany so i didnt really have a choice but to wait for my friend. Changxu and lin an who were invited to wanzhuo's bbq at east coast park apparently had something else on so they 'pangseh-ed' alison and left her all alone in school to do her homework. Yea i know that's gonna be damn boring but there's no choice coz alison dont wanna follow me all the way to ngee ann -.-


Yea, so i waited for my friend and we took the mrt all the way to dover. Alighted at dover and took bus 74 for about 8 stops before we alighted at the ngee ann poly busstop. Woah! The school compound is damn big!! I almost got lost and had to find my way around. I guess i looked like a lost sheep with my friend tagging along aimlessly. And weiru who was supposed to meet me at ngee ann was caught up in some poly experience thing that was for the sec4s who wanted to go to ngee ann next year. it's sort of like an open house. So you can imagine how many people there were! I thought that she would finish at around 5 or 6 plus latest and dint expect her to finish at 8!! I spent a few hours walking around and touring the school before going back to the east and meeting up with alison at parkway. Alison needed someone to 'escort' her to east coast park so i did the job. Was on my way there too anyway so i didnt mind having company. But by the time i rushed back from ngee ann it was already 7.30pm! The bbq was meant as a birthday celebration for wanzhuo and it was supposed to start at 5 or 6 but i ended up arriving so late..


Hey wait. Alison and i were not the latest! Jasmine, merilyn, sihui, xinyi and merilyn came even later too coz they had some cca pass out thing where they were to receive their ranks. dunno why ended so late.. Then came changxu and dewei.. Anyway weiru arrived even later at around 8plus with abbygail and justyn. I knew most of the people there so i was able to strike conversations with everyone. Hmm let me see who i know there.. There is the whole china 'gang' from my school plsu those from chung cheng and manjusri then there was the emo pair shi min and banjamin, then the jasmine clique, jerald and brandon, the 2g gang of girls, ex 2g girl gang member juvena, weiru abby and justyn and some other people who i dont really know. I spent a long time talking to everyone. Especially justyn! That was the first time i talked to him. Didnt know that our conversation would last so long. I left at around 10 plus and by the time i got back it was about 11, 12 plus. Watched a bit of tv and went to sleep. Lazy to go on blogging.. Shall update you guys with a new post when im free! Wa! So long never blog already.. Have been really busy the past month or so with stuff. It's not busy actually. It's just that i havent been able to use the compt for a long long time thanks to the curfews my parents imposed on me.


Quite some time i havent blog. Dunno where to begin.. Maybe i'll just start with what happened last night. I dunno what the heck is wrong with my dad but he just scolded me for no freaking reason. I got out of the toilet and he started blabbering all the crap. Scolded me for my phone (i was not supposed to have one coz mine was confiscated by my teacher) and started scolding me about everything else. He made no sense! He threatened to thrash the phone on the floor and scolded me with all the words like 'bloody hell'. He then confiscated my phone.
F*** man. Does he take me for a three year old child who will listen to every word he says?! I'm not his dog damn it.


I got real pissed with him and even thought of running away from home. The way he scolded me made me feel damn inferior. He said things like 'i give you everything you ask for, why cant you just listen to me?' or 'Without me, you cant survive out there. You wont even have a single cent.' Damn him man. What the heck does he take me for? An idiot who dont have hands and legs to make my own living? I can tell him in the face that even without him or without an o level cert, i can still earn money and make my own living. So what if it's not much? At least i dont get his damned money that he claims i dont deserve.


I was still angry when i woke up this morning. My dad went to work and there was peace for a while. But i couldn't help bursting out on others. My mom agitated me this morning and i started to raise my voice and got angry at her. No i wasn't really angry at her actually. I was just letting out my anger on her. I shouldn't have. Now i've made one more enemy- My dad and my mom.