On and on, the pain goes on And it wouldn't just wouldn't die

我竟远比想像中软弱且无能为力

对你的眼神选择了逃避

恨自己恨自己

On and on, the pain lives on It's hurting so much more

就像我被悔不当初的罪恶吞去

惩罚过后能否带来解脱

I'll be fine I'll be fine

So many cried, listening to God

让坚强不只是种伪装

So many lies, listening to you

天亮后I will be fine

On and on, the pain goes on and I just don't know how to cope

伸手抱住自己是否就能够不再空虚

最后信念别放弃I will be fine I will be fine

So many cried, listening to you

希望你能再给我力量

So many lies,

listening to you什么时候

I will be fine 当我再也不对任何事期待

只剩下你只剩下你

有天当我舍弃一切见你

请你要微笑不语

So many cried,

listening to you

希望你能再给我力量

So many lies,

listening to you 什么时候

I will be fine.
___________________________________________________________________

I feel so unaccomplished.

I didn't get to do the things that i've set out to do.

I didn't manage to do what i wanted to do for you.

I wasn't able to be by your side when you needed me.

I wasn't able to win you over.


Sometimes i wonder what went wrong..

Maybe i'm not handsome enough.

Maybe i'm not clever enough.

Maybe i'm not caring enough.


It has been 77 days and i'm still waiting.

Waiting for the day that you're able to accept me and to allow me to fill the little gap at the corner of your heart.
___________________________________________________________________ I have a big decision to make. And it's a really big one that would affect my future.


As most of my avid blog readers would know, i actually thought of switching my current course and transferring to the School of Business. And of all the Business courses, i was actually eyeing on the DBA (Diploma in Business Admin) course. I've already sent in my transfer letter about 3weeks ago but i received a reply letter saying that i missed the cut off point by 1point and there aren't any more vacancies. However, i still didn't give up despite the setback. My dad arranged for me to meet his friend who has been a lecturer in SP for 20years to have a chat on how or what i could do to ensure my chances of transfer to be higher. After our long chat, we've come to a few conclusions..

No. 1

Meet the Director of the School of Business and arrange to have an interview with him.

I'll have to use my persuasive powers to try to convince him why he should admit me into the School of Business.


No. 2

If my appeal is rejected because i'm not able to be admitted halfway during the semester, then i'll have to wait for another year before i try to admit.

This means that i'll basically waste one year away. If this really happens, i'll sit in for business lectures throughout this one year so that i'll get to gain knowledge. I'll also work at the same time since i wont be officially schooling.


No. 3


Continue with what i'm currently studying now.

I'll just have to bite the bullet and finish my 3years. The only two things that are holding me back is that i'm not planning to use Design as my career next time, so i don't really see a point why i should continue studying something that i wont apply in future. The other reason is that i've already failed 2modules and this would mean that it would leave a black mark on my GPA (Grade Point Average) when i go out to work in future and this would reflect badly on me.



No. 4


Try to transfer to the Business schools in other polytechnics.

I'll have to source for those with a higher cut off point so that i'll be able to enter into their Business schools. I checked up on all the polytechnic's websites and it seems that i'm eligible for only Temasek, Nanyang and Republic Polytechnic's Business schools.



No. 5


I think this is the most silly option among the other 4. My parents actually suggested that i serve my National Service early. -.-


If i were to weigh the pros and cons.. Nah, there isn't really any pros except that i may come back looking more tough and have a more well built body? LOL. I guess my friends would all laugh their heads off if they were to see me enter the army and have my hair shaved! Yea, my precious hair! So i think this option would most probably be a no no.



Oh ya. But irregardless which decision that i've decided on, i would still be pulling out of school within this week if i'm not wrong. My parents feel that there isn't a need to continue paying school fees if i'm not going to study what i want. Besides, i wouldn't want my GPA to be affected, so i would have to pull out early if i don't want my data to be keyed in.

I'm still kinda racking my brains over which path i should take. Whichever path i take now would determine my future. But one thing is for sure no matter which path i take. I'll miss my Singapore Poly friends, my Sports Club friends and most of all, i'll miss you dearly. You know what? I didn't exactly told the truth when you asked me why i didn't want to transfer out. I told you that i would miss my SP friends. Yea, that's true, but i guess the main reason is coz i don't want the separation with you. You're a key player in my decision making.
___________________________________________________________________ Hey friends, sorry that i wasn't able to update my blog for the past few days although i've been back home safely. I spent 3nights outside and it would be 4 if you included the last night where i waited until 2am before sneaking back into my house. LOL. I spent my time in quite a fruitful way during the few days by catching up with old friends that i haven't seen in months as well as spending time to study! Kinda surprising that i actually slot in time to study although i'm on the run right? Haha.


And i would have updated that i reached home earlier if not for the fact that i left my laptop in someone's care. My dad threatened to smash my laptop so i left it in my friend's care to avoid it from happening. What was surprising was that i didn't really get scolded when i reached back home, and my dad didn't even ask for my laptop! It seemed that my parents decided to take the soft approach and just nagged at me a little. My mom told me that if i really wanted to run away from home, she couldn't possibly bind my legs and prevent me from running away right? Haha.


Anyway, these few days have been boring for me. I have been staying at home and slacking my time away, with occasional studying time once in a while. And it's the last week of the holidays already! I can't believe time pass so fast. If you're gonna ask me whether i've accomplished what goals i set to be completed during the holidays, i would say i accomplished none. Guess it's due to the time constraint or that i have to come to a compromise sometimes.


I don't really have the mood to blog anymore, so i'll end my blog post here. But yea, i'm alright. I'm really grateful to those who showed me care and concern during the few days that i've been away from home. It's really heartwarming. Thanks once again and i hope to blog about more positive stuff the next time round!
___________________________________________________________________ It has already been more than 24hours since i've left home. Some may say that it isn't a wise decision to make and i'm being childish. But the main reason why i've decided to leave home this time is because i really can't my dad's baseless arguments anymore. I always try to see things from his perspective and try to be understanding and make a compromise. All the feelings of discontentment bottled up inside me erupted this time.


The whole argument started in a very stupid and foolish way. It was about 6pm on the 15th of June 2009 and i was at home using my laptop to watch drama videos on youtube. My dad reached home earlier and he saw me using my laptop and started scolding me. He kept scolding me at the fact that i was using my laptop to watch videos instead of doing constructive things. He also added that the laptop should be a tool and not a toy and should not be abused. He kept ranting that watching videos, playing games and downloading music would attract virus. He also threatened to stop my school fees the moment my laptop crashes. He was so fed up yesterday that he almost smashed my laptop on the floor and he said that it would be my fault if my laptop were to malfunction. He also demanded that if he saw me using my laptop for leisure purposes like blogging, watching videos, playing games, chatting on msn or even facebook-ing, he would smash my laptop on the floor. And i could tell very clearly that he was serious and meant what he said because he once slammed my laptop shut in front of me when he saw me using it to surf the Internet. He said that the laptop is strictly for studying purposes and there should be 0% usage for leisure purposes. Isn't it ridiculous?



What's wrong with me using the laptop for leisure purposes? It's my holidays now and i can't even use it to surf the Internet or do leisure stuff like blogging and facebook-ing! I'm not a gamer so my dad doesn't really have to worry about me gaming too much and crashing my laptop. Anyway, i really don't see why he has to restrict me to the point of zero percent usage of my laptop for leisure activities. I'm pretty sure that almost every normal teenager out there uses his/her laptop for leisure purposes other than academic usage.


I didn't want to continue arguing with my dad about foolish stuff like that so i decided to take a break from it all and go to somewhere secluded to have peace. I'll take this time to slowly think about why i did all these and the reason for my actions. I'll also try to see if i'm able to make a compromise or whether i'll be able to negotiate with my dad for a less strict ban.



I know that i've worried my parents a lot, especially my mom, by leaving home and staying out for the night. I've dropped my mom a sms in the afternoon to let her know my reason for leaving home and also reassured her that i'm alright. I also promised her that i would return home as soon as i've straightened out my thinking. Anyway, i've had my phone calls diverted so i may be uncontactable for the moment. Friends can drop me an sms instead. Sorry for the inconvenience caused!
___________________________________________________________________ This is damn random, but i've nothing to blog about and i randomly thought about hair styling techniques so here i am blogging about it! I've always been researching on different hair styling techniques and hairstyles. From taiwanese, hong kong, korean and japanese hairstyles! And i think i'm quite interested in Japanese hairstyles among the four! Okay i shall now post up hair styling techniques!



It's the second week of holidays and i'm trying to make my holidays seem worthwhile and meaningful. I haven't really been doing much for the past one week and i certainly don't want my holidays to end in a boring way!


I've kept myself occupied by spending time to catch up with old friends! For instance, i've been spending quite a few days with my secondary school best buddies Noel and Jeremy. Both of them have been awesome dudes to make time for me! And what do we do when we meet up? The usual activity - Playing pool! Haha! =p Really missed the times that i spent with them last time. Haha.


I've also finally managed to meet up with Yan Yee after not seeing her for the past half a year or so! If i'm not wrong, the last time we met up for a chat was in November last year! That was a super long time ago! And we didn't talk much that time coz we had another friend present. The last time i really had a good chat with her was way back in May 2007! Oh my gosh, that's so damn freaking long ago! Haha! Finally managed to meet up with her the other day over lunch to have a long chat! We had a sushi buffet at Sakae Sushi while we chat throughout the 4hours about how our life has been the past 2 years! We haven't really talked for two years, so it's really a lot to catch up on! Then after our meal, we headed over to Esplanade for.. cam whoring! I'm not exactly into this kinda stuff, but i would agree since it's her request and the last time we took a photo together was 2years ago! Haha!



Okay, next up will be me having to revise my secondary 4 maths again! And the reason is because i will be giving tuition to my friend Angela! Haven't seen her for 4months and it seems that her maths have deproved! Gotta help her buck up and hopefully help her to achieve good grades for her o levels!



And not to forget, i'm gonna meet up with Noel! That bugger always claims that he's busy studying at home and under house arrest! And that Hwa Chong bugger actually wants to dye his hair together with me during the holidays! I'm thinking of dyeing my hair to some kinda caramel colour because my brown is fading and it seems that Noel wants to dye his hair the same colour too! The 'best' part is that he said he wont be dyeing it back to black again. Haha! I get a strong feeling that he's gonna get screwed by his school when he returns after school reopens!



And another good news is that i will be starting work soon at the end of this week! Looking forward to earning my extra cash! Haha! I'm still really disappointed in myself for missing the opportunity to work during the IT fair that just ended today. Anyway, i got this quote while checking up my horoscope for the day and i feel that it's so true about the situation i am in now! It said
" Put a lock on your wallet - watch your spending and avoid financial deals."

I'm really short of cash now, so i'm banging on every opportunity that helps me to earn cash! Okay i shall end this post here! Hope to blog again soon! =)
___________________________________________________________________ I've been busy with a task assigned to me lately. I'm supposed to compose a song and pen the lyrics! I've been racking my brain over the lyrics for about a week and i've completed the song about a few days ago. I wrote a Chinese song by the name of 眼神。And here are the lyrics!

"你的
眼神，
触动了我的心。

我却
没有，
追你的勇气。

我知道你需要时间，
我愿意继续为你而等待，
等到那一天。。
Chorus
帮你擦泪，
为你高兴，
是否完美，
让人温馨。

我
很想玄耀，
有了你
世界更美好。
Wo…

帮你擦泪，
为你高兴，
虽不完美，
彼此温馨。

你
是否知道，
有了我
你不再烦恼。。"


I roughly have the melody in my mind, and i'm now trying to figure out the background melody on the piano so that the song would be complete! Spent a couple of hours on the piano trying to find a suitable melody for the song! All the best to myself and i hope to complete my song asap! =)
___________________________________________________________________ Matters of the heart can be quite complicating and complex sometimes.

I know i can be unsensitive to how others feel sometimes.

I know i may be overly emotional at times.

I know i may not be the ideal person that you're looking for because i have many faults.

But i hope i'll be able to fill the little gap in your heart and provide you with the happiness that you deserve.

_____________________________________________________________________

City skyline at 2am.




How would the world look if it was black and white?

Water is a precious resource.


So you think you can catch my ball?

See the man at the end of the cabin?

Glowing springs?

The world from my view.

Speed devils.

Doorway to heaven anyone?

I didn't know crystals looked this pretty.

Don't look at the Mobil bag. Look what's behind it!

The clouds are so big that they can almost devour the building whole.

If only i could put a stop to everything.

Back off! I'm coming!

It's a gloomy day.

My feet are small, aren't they?

Okay, those were some of my better shots! I'm not gonna upload all of them so just these few shall do! You can take a look at my facebook if you want to see all 100 photos! Haha. Anyway, besides taking artistic shots, Angela and i also took self portrait shots! >.<

Say cheese! =)

Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the pretty girl on the wall?

Okay, this shall be all for now! Hope to be able to blog again soon and upload photos! =)

___________________________________________________________________

我还是不能放过自己

我没有能力在这样下去了

我改变不了自己

就只有放弃

虽然还是被你说中了

可是

我

曾经有想过的
________________________________________________________